我屬于千禧世代
I am a Millennial.
Generation Y.
在艾滋病被發現之后和911發生之前出生
Born between the birth of AIDS and 911, give or take.
我們被稱作"全球化的一代"
They call us "The Global Generation."
我們以獨權和自戀著稱
We are known for our entitlement and narcissism.
有人說  因為我們是第一輩
Some say it's because we're the first generation
只要去上課就會被嘉獎的人
where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up.
還有人覺得是社交媒體
Others think it's because social media allows us
讓我們不管放屁還是吃飯
to post every time we fart or have a sandwich
都要秀給全世界看
for all the world to see.
但我們最突出的特征
But it seems that our one defining trait
似乎是對世界的冷漠
is a numbness to the world,
對苦難的不屑一顧
an indifference to suffering.
我曾用盡一切手段去屏蔽感受
I know I did anything I could to not feel.
性交  吸毒  酗酒
Sex, drugs, booze.
只要能麻痹痛苦就行
Just take away the pain.
讓我忘掉我媽  我那混蛋的爹  媒體輿論
Take away my mother and my asshole father and the press
和所有負我真心的男孩
and all the boys I loved who wouldn't love me back.
我曾被輪奸  但兩天后
Hell, I was gang raped, and two days later,
又像沒事人一樣去上課
I was back in class like nothing happened.
那本應該很痛苦對吧
I mean that must've hurt like hell, right?
很多人都會就此沉淪
Most people never get over stuff like that,
但我只說了一句  "咱去喝沙冰吧"
and I was, like, "let's go for Jamba Juice."
我愿放棄現有和未來的一切
I would give everything I have or will ever have
只為重新感受痛苦
just to feel pain again, to hurt.
多謝垂死掙扎的菲奧娜和她的藥柜
Thank God for minor league Fiona and her herb garden.
當活死人的一大優勢
One advantage of being kind of dead is
就是不用擔心那些警示語
that you don't have to sweat warning labels.
我發現一種棕色液體
There was this one brown liquid
讓我以為我的乳頭因此痛了一下
that I thought made my nipples tingle for a second,
現在后來發現只是錯覺
but I think it was psychosomatic,
因為我把剩下的都光了
because I polished off the rest of it
還是什么感覺都沒有
and didn't feel shit.
我試吃了所有蠑螈眼和蒼蠅翅膀
I tried every eye of newt and wing of fly
直到我發現了一個能讓我
until I found something that made me not
不再像瑪麗·蓮曼森一樣蒼白東西
look like Marilyn Manson anymore.
這就是問題所在  不是嗎
And that's the rub of all of this, isn't it?
我他媽什么都感覺不到
I can't feel shit.
什么都感覺不到
I can't feel anything.
我們以為疼痛是最糟糕的感覺
We think that pain is the worst feeling.
其實不是
It isn't.
還有什么比身體里
How can anything be worse
永恒的平靜更加可惡
than this eternal silence inside of me?
我以前常常幾天不吃東西
I used to not eat for days.
或者大吃特吃
Or eat like crazy, and then
然后摳喉嚨催吐
stick my fingers down my throat.
現在  不管我吃多少
Now, no matter how much I binge,
都無法填滿體內的空虛
I can't fill this hole inside me.
我受不了了
I can't take it anymore.
我覺得我要瘋了
I think I'm going batshit.
我得做點什么
I need to do something.
-《美国恐怖故事》