J.A.R.TOLKIEN
J.A.R.TOLKIEN回复给帖子:3455

When I was young , I always followed my mother to the mountain and watched the bird flying in the sky. Then I asked mymother , why they always fly in the sky ? My mother told me , because the sky is beautiful and pure . And when I stood in the mountain again ,everythings different .The colour of the sky has already change . No more birds I could see even trees in the mount also became many stove-pipes which never stop spiting smoke to the sky .Over the past 50 years,when we excited about experiencing the high-tech products and living in the huge buildings . We maybe forgot one thing that we already broken the earth too much .
Last weekend , I saw the movie “home” and realized the earth was so beautiful until now . But if we don't do anything ,our children may be only can find the word “beautiful” from recording movies and magazines . Of course one person’s strength is weak , I cannot save the world just by my own hands , but sky also can not be polluted by only one stove-pipe. So just do something , even it is very small but still necessary ,valuably. To be honest , I never realized before the earth need us help . But now I know I have to do some , such as water-saving power-saving and be avolunteer of WSPA (World Society for the Protection of Animals), anything I can. Of course I cannot bring the already extinct animals back to the earth . At least I can let it slower than it before .
Earth is our only home , we have no choice except protect it .From now ,I appeal you to start to protect earth , start with at least just realize how serious it is . One more people join this , the home which have blue sky and many birds will closer to us.

It's up to us to write what

Happens Next

.

cherry-bear
话说卤煮如果是球建议的话
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=-=话说卤煮如果是球建议的话,窝就说一下我的感觉,咱们交流交流神马的……

1.时态错乱,比方说第一句应该是发生在第四句的 when I stood...之前,所以个人认为不应该也用过去式,用过去完成式应该更好。

2.句子主谓宾不清晰,卤煮的句子结构太随意,有的句子实在是划不出清晰的主谓宾结构,像第二段的第二句里面的从句,出现了maybe和can两个情态动词并且被only隔开了。

3.chinglish也就是所谓的中国式英语,看得出来,卤煮这篇作文是先想好了措辞美好的中文句子再逐字逐句的翻译成英语的,所以造成了很多语法错乱,用词不当的地方,英语的话适当的拆分/拼合一下句子,再调整一下语序会通顺/美好的多。

——其实这里不肿么有耐心,只看了一半,不过建议卤煮以后写作文的时候仔细一点,乃文章中有一个句子用现在进行时但是后面的动词木有用过去分词(其实也就是少了个ed),还有 's 的缩写忘了打 ' 之类的小错误很多,这些错误很吃分的。还有就是建议卤煮想学英文的话以后多读多听培养语感,高中的话多读读课文,听教材附送磁带就很有用了,培养好的语感对写作包括做完形填空都很有用的。

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蟑螂君
其實在後面還有個句號
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J.A.R.TOLKIEN 发表于 2013-1-25 09:36

next.....其實在後面還有個句號,你可能沒看懂~~~~喵嗚~~

哼哼~~~嘿嘿

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J.A.R.TOLKIEN
我以为结束了
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蟑螂君 发表于 2013-1-4 21:15

我以为结束了???!!!Σ(っ °Д °;)っ 肿么还会有NEXT?

next.....其實在後面還有個句號,你可能沒看懂~~~~喵嗚~~

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星の悠橙
蟑螂君
这个明显是个总结咩
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From now ,I appeal you to start to protect earth , start with at least just realize how serious it is . One more people join this , the home which have blue sky and many birds will closer to us. 这个明显是个总结咩~

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蟑螂君
我以为结束了
展开Biu

我以为结束了???!!!Σ(っ °Д °;)っ 肿么还会有NEXT?

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J.A.R.TOLKIEN
我的英文名字叫小沈阳儿
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hingso 发表于 2012-9-11 20:28

我的英文名字叫小沈阳儿~

#16t.....求勾搭...

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hingso
我的英文名字叫小沈阳儿
展开Biu

我的英文名字叫小沈阳儿~@@29!!

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